Sex and the Ivy

Welcome to my Life

Filed under: Blogging, Life, Sex — Elle October 1, 2006 @ 3:24 pm

During my interview with the Crimson, the reporter asked if I ever fictionalized entries on this blog. I admitted to dramatizing conversations but never outright fabricating events or people. Besides, I’m no good at fiction, and often times, real life is stranger than anything I could ever invent. An incident this morning proves my point. Even for the girl who’s done everything, this was certainly a new experience.

Disclaimer: If you’re squeamish, stop reading right this second.

So I’m going about my business in the pseudo privacy of my bathroom stall, when I feel a funny, wriggly sensation down there. PLOP! I look down and it’s a … condom?! Scrunched up and floating in my toilet bowl, it’s definitely a condom.

What. The. Fuck. The only explanation I can think of is that in the middle of really drunk sex, we lost track of one of the condoms used. And it just went unnoticed for the next 24 hours until my vagina expelled the unwelcome intruder.

I reported the strange occurence to my blockmates, who reacted with memorable facial expressions and speechlessness. I’m sure I currently have readers squirming in their seats and/or informing their roommates of the Mather girl who found a condom in herself.

Clearly, I have no shame. Like I said, there’s no way I could make this shit up. Welcome to my life.

9 Responses to “Welcome to my Life”

  1. anonymous lurker Says:

    That happened to me once. I now feel slightly less alone on this campus.

  2. Anonymous Squeamish Prude Says:

    Thanks for teaching me that, when I am warned to stop reading, I should definitely stop reading. That’s what I get for reading a college girl’s sex blog during a lunch break.

    Squeamishness and shame aside, I would advise that you be just a little more mindful in the future. After all, the point of using a condom is for the stuff inside the condom to stay outside of . . . Well, you get the idea.

    Prudish PSA over. Continue on your merry way.

  3. elle Says:


    1. Great to know I’m not the only freak.
    2. Thanks for your PSA. I’m well aware of the health risks and am slightly horrified at my behavior that drunken evening. University Health Services, here I come.

  4. Sex and the Ivy » The Condom Story That Won’t Die Says:

    [...] Obviously, in reference to my sexual mishap. I think this website is one long elaborate proof of how badly I suck at life. [...]

  5. Sex and the Ivy » Plan B Accessibility Just a Myth? Says:

    [...] In other news, I cannot wait to get on the pill. I have a prescription but I can’t start until my next period, which means there’s still a couple of weeks ahead of me before I can have sex and not worry so damn much whenever things like this happen. I’m also really starting to hate condoms. Aidan and I are having the worst luck with them. They break, they slip off, they’re too small, etc. Last night was the second time a condom got stuck after it came off during sex. I literally had to retrieve it when we realized it was missing. Basically, either I need to get my hormones soon or Aidan’s dick needs to shrink. This is really starting to become ridiculous. [...]

  6. d Says:

    there was a caller on loveline last night with the same situation

  7. NHgal Says:

    That happened to me twice: once a condom got stuck up there and once a tampon. Both times I had to go to the DR to get them removed. Now I am on the pill.

  8. Bronco Says:

    There is only one reason why that has never happened with me….BECAUSE I DON’T USE FUCKING CONDOMS!! AH MY FUCKING DICK!!!!

  9. molly Says:

    thank god iam not the only one this has happened to.. lol i literrally just went to the bathroom and i felt something and there was a condom, thats how i stumbled on your site cause i wanted to know if it happened to anyone else! funny thing is i never use condoms but in light of a recent pregnancy scare i told my bf to use one…thats what you get!

Leave a Reply