The Chicktionary
AIM
Facebook
Technorati
Twitter
Flickr
Threadless
Vimeo
Jailbait
I think what I miss most about being 18 is being called jailbait. Just a step pass the threshold between childhood and adulthood, I spent one sweet year being a legal – but not quite socially acceptable – piece of hot ass.
Now at 19, I’m a boringly uncontroversial lay.
Then again, there wouldn’t be any controversy to begin with if not for my habit of dating much older men. It’s no secret that I snub the ’09 in favor of more mature gents. Grad students, corporate types, and of course, sugar daddies, are all fair game. (Fine, not the latter. I haven’t fully succumbed to immorality.) There’s a qualifier though. I’m not looking for seriously older guys. I’m looking for the first-job-out-of-college sort, the no-kids-on-the-mind sort. Potential father figures need not apply. I have one and he’s a disappointment.
But although I’ve dated guys who are as much as six or seven years older, all of them have different takes on our June-November romance. Some act like age doesn’t matter at all (delusionally optimistic); others act like it spells doom (equally unrealistic). Invariably, age becomes either a much-debated topic or a running joke. Neither is the best scenario.
Sometimes, I’ll make self-deprecating references to my youth just to get the subject out of the way. But mostly, I don’t even have to. All one of us has to do is bring up music and suddenly, I’m so not with it. That’s right, the guy who listens to Pearl Jam is way cooler than me. (By the way, I’m sorry if anyone reading this just agreed with the preceding statement.) On the other hand, it’s not like I want older guys to share my musical tastes. I find it infinitely disturbing whenever I come across a twenty-something with a penchant for Dashboard and Death Cab.
And then there are the guys who find dating a coed “kind of hot†(a direct quote from an ex, believe it or not). Questionable? Most definitely. Especially considering that I look young as it is. In the right outfit, I could still pass for 15. I once dated a guy who appeared well older than his actual mid-twenties. When in public, I wanted to carry a sign that said, “I swear I’m not a mail-order bride.â€
The demographics of my love life have split my friends into two camps. The first group understands where I’m coming from – they prefer older guys as well. The second group thinks I’m expecting too much and not giving guys my age a fair chance. Still, despite the unique problems of age discrepancies, the prospect of getting cozy with an undergraduate just never appealed to me, now or ever. Hookups are one thing, but actual dating? Not interested.
The youngest guy I dated in the past year was Berklee and he was still drinking age (aka an “actual†adult as opposed to a “can pay taxes, fight in the army, be tried for murder, but god forbid he consume alcohol†adult). But as the sole exception to my no-undergrads rule, he still worked enough hours to fall under the “has a real job†category. Needless to say, he’s a fish in a small pond.
But I think my stance is slowly changing. Older guys are beginning to lose their appeal, especially since I’ve come to discover that they’re prone to the same behavior I find so ingratiating in my male peers. Sure, my exes hold real jobs they actually have to wake up for, but when it comes to dating, they’re just as clueless as their younger counterparts. Paying rent is no substitute for empathy. And if immaturity is annoying at 19, then it’s nearly intolerable at 25. Which leads me to wonder — if these guys are dating girls like me, then who will I be dating when I’m their age?
October 5th, 2006 at 4:17 am
pearl jam is awesome! :D
“if these guys dating girls like me, then who will I be dating when I’m their age?”
i like that question a lot for some reason.
personally, i don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating older men. a man who’s 30 can behave like he’s 15, as well as the exact opposite. but, being inexperienced when it comes to dating and older men, i don’t know how accurate my description may be.
even though you’ve encountered some negativity publicity, i think it’s pretty awesome that you’re receiving attention from a wider audience now. :)
October 6th, 2006 at 1:13 am
I don’t need to go into detail. I’d just like to say that I know you think you’re really cool because you have lots of sex and write about it, but having lots of sex and writing about it does not make you really cool.
October 6th, 2006 at 2:48 am
Do you know her personally, Rachel? She’s even cooler in person. Give her a try sometime.
October 6th, 2006 at 3:29 pm
Why do you think older guys are dating you?
Do you really think you’re “just as mature” as women their age? That you’re the shocking exception to the idea that maturity comes with time?
I think it will be interesting to see your perspective on all this when you will, at some point in your life, get dropped for a younger woman (or “girl”). You must think you’re so witty when you drop those cleverly self deprecating references to your age — I wonder if you’ll still find them witty when you wake up at age 35 to find that the love of your life has run off with a hot coed. Or maybe by that point you’ll have married into wealth, divorced, and spending your time having flings with the younger guys you currently disdain.
The guys you date aren’t looking for maturity. They can’t be, because you don’t have it yet. You don’t have a real job, you haven’t worked in the real world. They have. So what are they looking for? I think it’s amusing that you want people who are mature and worldly, but at the same time your partners are eschewing those very qualities when they select you. I guess maturity must be overrated.
October 6th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Fred — why do you quote \”just as mature\” like those are my words? What gives you the impression that I think of myself as mature? I make no claims to worldliness and I\’m well aware that guys aren\’t dating me because I act old for my age. Part of my appeal is my youth. Older men don\’t date me to settle down. They date me because I\’m not yet jaded and I won\’t be feeling maternal any time soon.
Maybe you\’re 35 and the love of your life has run off with a coed, but that\’s not in my long-term game plan. Nor do I plan on marrying for money, but thanks for assuming that I\’m a bimbo with no ambitions of my own. Obviously, you\’re older than me and for some reason, you\’re pretty bitter toward me for my age. But like you said, I guess maturity must be overrated.
October 6th, 2006 at 4:04 pm
It’s not your age, it’s your attitude.
Freshman girls in high school who only date “mature” seniors. College girls who only date “mature” graduates. Young 20somethings who only date “mature” CEOs. I’m not saying you don’t have ambitions; in fact, I’m questioning what those ambitions are. I’m saying that “maturity” is really your word for something else: you want status, you want someone who’s exciting, who’s different, who rises above all the boring little people you see every day at school. They want someone who’s young and, as you say not “jaded” or “maternal.” What do those words really mean?
Would you date a guy in high school? Would it be “mature” of you if you did? That’s the type of life experience gap we’re talking about.
If you really think maturity is what you’re after, then think about how men look at each other. How mature is it to be the guy dating the chick who’s “barely legal,” the girl who can’t go to a bar, the girl who hasn’t had half of the same life experience? Do you really think “mature” is the right word?
October 6th, 2006 at 4:18 pm
I think if you read my entry over, you’ll realize that I’ve already acknowledged that age doesn’t make a guy mature at all:
“I’ve come to discover that they’re prone to the same behavior I find so ingratiating in my male peers. Sure, my exes hold real jobs they actually have to wake up for, but when it comes to dating, they’re just as clueless as their younger counterparts. Paying rent is no substitute for empathy. And if immaturity is annoying at 19, then it’s nearly intolerable at 25.”
What you’re saying is not exactly earthshattering news. I already mention it’s sketchy that guys find really young girls hot; I already talk about the culture gap. No need to act completely condescending just because you’re older and wiser.
October 6th, 2006 at 10:31 pm
Hi, I just learned of your blog today, via Jefferson, and I can just say I can really relate. I’m 20 now and I’ve always gone for older guys. When I was in high school, I dated a college guy, once I got to college, they had to be post-collegiate.
I really can’t even pin-point what it is about dating and being in a relationship with a college boy that seems so wrong and such a turn off. It isn’t entirely the maturity issue, because I do believe there are college boys who can be mature.
And I like dating older guys. I guess I see them having what I’m working towards and I like being around that.
But then again my last ex, 10 years my senior was a fucking asshole. Yes, he was immature. But he was also a liar.
Now I have my relationship with Jefferson, who at 42 is older than I would have ever thought I’d be comfortable with, and I’m very happy with it. It’s very non-traditional, yes, but like you, I’m not looking for something that’s going to lead to marriage and babies any time soon. I like my freedom, thank you very much.
Don’t pay much mind to people like Fred who are probably old and fugly and couldn’t get a co-ed unless he paid them.
October 7th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
I’ve dated two older guys, a younger guy, and lately, someone my own age. They all have their pros/cons, but I think that dating someone your own age is nice since both in the couple are at the same stage of life. Problems arise when one is a student (who likes to dance all night) and the other is an ambitious guy focused on his career (which requires long hours and early rising).
However, it’s great to date an older guy in the beginning since he is more comfortable with sex and can be a good teacher :-)
October 13th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
It’s funny, “Rachel” tries to marginalize you and your blog, but subsequently contradicts herself by taking the time to post the same mean-spirited comment in at least two different entries.