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Two To Tango, One to Untangle
Though largely uneventful save for my initial panic, the experience with Plan B has nonetheless left me bothered. I could have certainly gone without the inconvenience of a UHS visit and I would have rather not spent the entirety of Monday fielding phone calls from various nurses. But both is typical of any medical issue. Mostly, I didn’t like the reminder that as a woman, incidents such as these make life significantly more difficult than if I were a man.
This is the second time I’ve used Plan B. The first time was in July. My then-boyfriend drove me to the nearest pharmacy, but that was the extent of his involvement in my predicament, in our predicament. But it wasn’t entirely his fault that he wasn’t more involved. I tend to take charge of matters like these, insisting then as I did a couple nights ago that everything was fine, that I would take care of things in the morning. But the truth is that I don’t at all enjoy shouldering the burden of a responsibility belonging to two people, yet whether or not I have a choice, it is a burden that unfairly rests on me.
In July, there were two of us in the convenience store, but one was scanning the aisles and the other was in line, waiting for her number to be called so that she could step up to the counter. I don’t think my discomfort then stemmed from having to face the pharmacist alone. Inexplicably, the whole thing felt like a lonely experience even though he paid and the forms had his address and afterward, he drove us back to his apartment in his car. Despite his role and his presence, I never felt like he was with me when it mattered or where it mattered. But that’s something he couldn’t help then; that’s something Aidan couldn’t help yesterday.
Plan B is taken in two parts and I had my second pill this morning at 9 a.m. without incident. Though some women experience nausea, I didn’t the first time nor did I this time. It’s strange but it feels like there is something terribly symbolic about swallowing that pill. Perhaps it is the fact that I am the one who has to consume it, that my body is the one that counts here. Though it is tiny — easily the smallest piece of medication I’ve ever taken — it is also the most significant, but it is not something I can split in half and hand over to the other person responsible.
We both made a mistake, but I paid for it. And no, it is not his fault, but I wish there were some way last time or this time or the next time for me to feel like it is not just up to me to face alone. Like my summer paramour, the most Aidan could do last night was hold me as I slept. When my alarm rang at 9 a.m., he was the one who got out of bed and turned it off, but I was the one who reached into my purse for the packet I went to such lengths to obtain.
Having just gone to sleep at 5 a.m., I was at once barely conscious and astutely aware of my actions. I was one pill away from ending the nagging feeling I couldn’t shake all weekend, the feeling I was certain he shared but could not entirely understand. Placing the pill on the tip of my tongue, I swallowed hard, twice, before it made its way down my parched throat. Just as I put away the packet, I felt Aidan’s fingertips graze my side, guiding me to bed. I pulled the covers over us and I drifted off with his arms wrapped around me.
During that warm July night I first went to bed with the burden of two on my shoulders, I fell asleep with my back to his chest and the irrational belief that the harder he held me, the less alone I must certainly feel. Last night, I thought it eerie that in a Cambridge, Massachusetts dorm room, I managed to replicate the same feeling 3 months removed and 3,000 miles away. I was with someone slightly younger, slightly better intentioned but just as unable to ease the dull ache at the back of my throat, to erase the reminder that I alone must untangle this mess, because try as he might, he was just a bystander to it all.
I really appreciated the outpouring of advice and support from other women. It’s great to know that the women on (and off) this campus are so well-informed. During my walk-in, I asked plenty of questions about UHS’s policy on morning after pills. Here’s what I found out:
- Plan B, though approved for over-the-counter distribution, is not yet available in that form. Women must see a nurse practitioner in order to obtain it.
- UHS currently distributes Plan B on the spot, without requiring an additional visit to the pharmacy.
- When Plan B is distributed over-the-counter, it will still be necessary for patients to see the pharmacist on call.
- UHS does not offer the morning after pill in advance. Plan B is distributed only when it is needed (though there is no way to regulate this policy).
- Plan B can be obtained at any time, not just during UHS working hours. There is someone who can offer it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
I hope this information is helpful to other Harvard women. You can reach UHS After Hours Urgent Care at 617.495.5711.
October 25th, 2006 at 4:38 am
You are so incredibly ugly!
October 25th, 2006 at 4:44 am
Well, that was uncalled for.
October 25th, 2006 at 5:08 am
I took Plan B a while back and I remember having a very similar experience. The guy was so kind, caring and generous with an outpouring of good intentions.
His sentences were peppered with “I’m sorrys,†and he told me over and over how much he wished he could bear the burden of our situation.
He too paid, he too drove me home to his bed so he could watch over me all night, and he too held me as tight as he could, all night long. But his gestures could not fill the empty ache in my chest or squelch the uneasiness that settled firmly in my gut and stayed there until I got my period two weeks later.
I felt the same way you do. It isn’t fair that we have to bear this burden, but at least we have men in our lives that would share it if they could.
And really, commenter L, get a life. Comments like that only make you look stupid.
October 25th, 2006 at 3:40 pm
You know, I have to say, I find this entire post unduly sentimental. “Bear the burden”? You swallow a pill. It’s not that bad. I do it every day for my multivitamins. What’s all the fussing about?
You say: “We both made a mistake, but I paid for it.” Paid for it how? By walking all the way to UHS, talking to a doctor, and swallowing two little pills? Man, life is hard.
I mean, what more do you want him to do–get a sex change? Seems like the guys you were with were just as worried about this as you were, bit their nails just as hard, took responsibility just as quickly. The thing was resolved fairly easily, and someone went with you for emotional support. What more do you need?
Either the burden is the emotional part or the burden is the physical part. They helped out with the former, it seems; and the latter isn’t really all that bad, especially if you didn’t end up nauseated. What other third part of this “burden” is there that they didn’t share and I am forgetting about?
I’m just plain confused.
October 25th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
AMZB, I must admit, I’m confused as to your confusion. It has nothing to do with the pill, the UHS visit, the seeming emotional support. It’s what happens if the pill doesn’t work. It’s the way society holds its women and men to completely different sexual standards, and that, try as we might, there’s no way for them to ever become equal because at the end of the day, no man has to worry that there might be a life growing inside of them. It’s about the horrible thoughts that go through your mind as a woman that no man will ever experience. And it’s about how, as Elle said, though it takes two to tango, only one will have to deal with most of the consequences.
October 26th, 2006 at 2:04 am
http://www.emergencykindness.net
From their website:
Emergency Kindness is run by a team of “Janes” spread throughout the country. EC is hard to get in America due to the widespread practice of doctors and pharmacists refusing to give the pill because it conflicts with their personal beliefs. If you are having trouble procuring EC, we will do everything in our power to get it to you before your 72 hours are up.
October 26th, 2006 at 5:55 am
I read this and felt compelled to comment - if for no other reason than to empathize with you.
I had to take the MA pill a while back. On the one hand - yes, AMZB, it is just a pill, much like a multi-vitamin. On the otehr hand, what it represents, and more significantly, the tsunami-like rush of hormonal activity make the entire event a far more complicated and emotinal event. Regardless of whether you see taking “Plan B” as an emotionally charged step or not, it is not something that, I imagine, would be regarded lightly by many women.
And having a man who will stand by you as you do it does make all the difference. It’s when they go to pieces and you have to be strong — that’s when the fun starts.
I should calrify - I do not live in the US. When i need to take the MA pill, i went to the nearest pharmacy, and asked for it. The pharmacist handed it to me, and verbally related all the relevant instructions - much as any pharmacist would do for an antibiotic or any other regulated drug. I asked a question, and he answered me with no judgemental attitude, and no bullshit.
When i heard of all the nonsense surrounding the legislation of prescribing the pill over the counter in the US, i was absolutely appalled. That it should be dispensed by a pharmacists makes perfect sense, since it is, after all, a drug that even i do not believe should be swallowed as easily as, say, aspirin or Tylenol. But that certain pharmacists have the right to refuse to dispense the pill because of their *personal beliefs*? Jeez. That’s just disgraceful, and reflects so many issues that basically point to a world gone mad.
Pardon the longwinded comment. I just understood every word of your post, and wanted you to know that you weren’t alone.
Juno x
March 16th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Hello, I felt the same way when I took the first pill…obviously guys don’t have to go through the stuff that we are forced too … and that’s absolutely unfair.. but oh well what can we do?..
I’m so worried because I have to take the second pill tonight at 11pm and I lost the second pill because I was trying to hide it from my mom!.. I dont thnk my boyfriend is willing to pay another 50 bucks and well,.,and I don’t have that amount at this moment either!
can somebody please tell me what happens if I don’t take the second pill of Plan B?.. Our intercourse was the last day of my period…I feel so guilty for not even knowing what my fertile days are!!! omg!.. please somebody answer my question!!
thanks!!