I was wiping out my text messages today when I came across several gems illustrating just how sketchy my life can be. Here are some of the most questionable text messages I’ve received in the past month and a half. Most of these will only make sense/be funny/be mortifying to my roommates. And the people who sent them, obvs.
“I’m in a car with my friend’s parents. We need ALCOHOL and the stores stop selling at 11, so you have to buy it before then. Work it out.” –ZAP3, Sat Oct 21 9:36 pm
“Not coming home tonight. Will explain later.” –A slutty unnamed blockmate, Mon Oct 9 2:36 am
Still Not Comforting
“Deliriously happy. Not coming home.” –Another slutty unnamed blockmate, Sat Sep 23 12:06 am
“Nice fall.” –Witness to a drunken slip sent about five seconds after it occurred, Sun Oct 22 1:06 am
“You guys are terrible. I hate you all.” –Terra in a mass text message to the blocking group after we ditched her, Sat Sep 30 1:11pm
“I love you.” –An ex at midnight PST, Sun Oct 8 3:01 am
“Lena.” –A socialist, Sun Oct 22 12:59 am
And of course, RANDOM BOOTY TEXTS:
“Let’s get fucked up.” –Random guy I met at the Fly, Fri Oct 27, 9:37 pm
“Hey, you still up?” –An unnamed Matherite, Sat Oct 7, 12:57 am
“Can you come to my room in 10 min?” –Another unnamed Matherite, Fri Sept 29, 12:59 am
“Hi make out buddy!” –Yet another unnamed Matherite, Sun Sep 24, 11:28 am
In conclusion, I live with sluts and sketchy boys who want to sleep with me.