Sex and the Ivy

The Truth About My Sex Life

Filed under: Aidan, All About Elle, Berklee, JB, Sex, Sue, Terra, ZAP — Elle October 30, 2006 @ 3:16 am

Last week at Winthrop Stein Club, someone I met called me a “sex goddess.” Quite the compliment considering that he’s never so much as seen the inside of my bedroom. But I suppose he was making an educated remark, considering that I do write a sex blog after all. Unfortunately, he and most other people have no idea just how stale my sex life is. Other than my roommates, who are privy to what (and who) goes down, no one knows that I’m gunning for Santa’s nice list this year.

The common perception among readers seems to be that I have an uncommonly active and satisfying sex life, that I’m a tiger in the sack, and that I’m always up for more action. If only. While freshman girls have called me their “hero,” “idol,” and “role model” (actual quotes!), the truth is that my sophomore self really hasn’t done anything — or anyone — worth emulating. Believe it or not, my sex life is actually really boring.

I have had sex maybe five times in the past two months, possibly less but definitely not more. The number of partners? A grand total of two, one of whom is Berklee (an ex who really shouldn’t count because we slept together in the most platonic manner ever). Promiscuous? Hardly. Everyone seems to think that my hypothetical bedpost has been whittled down to nothing when it is actually several notches short of scandalous.

What’s even more unbelievable is that I haven’t even indulged in the occasional casual hookup. Apparently, kissing with tongue has became a huge deal to me, because I can no longer handle friendly lip-to-lip action, even when drunk. I’ve turned down every single guy who’s tried to hook up with me this semester, Aidan included. Call me a control freak, but I only let things happen on my own terms. This wasn’t last year’s mindset. Making out with someone never caused such a fuss before, yet the only person I’ve kissed without hesitation so far is the ever-sexy Miss Sue and I don’t think she counts.

Public hookups were my freshman forte, but kissing someone mid-dance floor now seems inconceivable. I don’t even grind with guys anymore. The only dance partners I’m comfortable getting dirty with are either gay (Rody), platonic (ZAP), or so-not-an-option (one of Aidan’s roommates) that my vagina doesn’t feel threatened. In fact, I’ve noticed that I purposely avoid situations where someone might try to hook up with me. Alone with a boy in his bedroom? Rare. Alone with a boy in mine? Never. When did I become such a prude?

Just about the only nights I do have sex are weekends, and usually I’m several sheets to the wind (i.e. drunk). Alcohol is my aphrodisiac, sad to say. Without it, I’d be hopeless. Maybe I have performance anxiety, but I’m just not particularly confident in my sexual prowess when sober, nor am I keen on initiating. But thanks to the liberating effects of liquid courage, I pounce without shame. I’m also much louder than usual — great for my partner, not so great for his roommates or my red-faced self come morning. I never had problems with summoning my inner minx before. Could it be that I’ve actually developed a sense of modesty? It’s a shame.

My blockmates are the ones who should really be writing a sex blog. They’re doing far better in bed than I am. One pal’s still in the honeymoon period with her new boyfriend so I can only imagine the ferocity with which they hook up. JB’s informed me that his sex sessions with the BU beau are quite … vocal. Hell, even Terra’s pulled crazier shit than I have this year. The Brit’s publicly made out with not one but two young gents from a certain club that will remain nameless.

What’s worse than my lack of activity is my lack of desire. Usually, I’m not horny at all. My sexual appetite has been crushed under the heavy weight of my extracurricular commitments. Sleep, not sex, is the prevailing desire nowadays. Even if I’ve got company in bed, I’m more apt to cuddle than I am to fuck. At the end of the night, who has the energy to engage in multi-hour romps when last-minute reading awaits in the morning?

So I guess my point is that my sex life is more myth than truth. To the girls out there: you’re probably better off looking up to one of my blockmates. And to the guys: sorry, I’m afraid I have an early section.

5 Responses to “The Truth About My Sex Life”

  1. CL Says:

    Well, seeing as how I’m the fool that made the “educated” remark at Winthrop’s last Stein, it seems fitting that I should also be the first to now comment. and while you would certainly be correct to assume the foolishness of many people who presume to know many things about you and your sex life, I should clarify that I did not do so. My comment and question were actually in relation to your openness and honesty about sex in a way that does not fear or inhibit the risk of offense or pariahness. I find this rare, not only at harvard, but in the real world, if only because sex abounds itself in the world of illusions. the fantasy. the drama. the reenactments. the sordid sex blogs. so its only fitting that your current blog is an unveiling so to speak of such a curtain. but know that in my eyes, your honesty and openness, in the face of that sexual dichotomy is all that i care for. so, sex goddess, until we meet again…

    p.s. when were you going to reply to my invite for crepes, or were you going to make me persist until you relent?

    p.s.s. what does the inside of your bedroom have to do with caling you a “sex goddess”?

    ClueLess

  2. Diane Says:

    Haha the “hero” remark came from my mouth, and it still stands.

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Since when was lackluster sexlives atypical of Harvard? This only substantiates that assertion. Even the “best” are mediocre at best.

  4. Evelina Says:

    Woah woah woah, definitely a contrast of your attitude during the summer. Completely understandable, though.

  5. Roxy Says:

    Well my sex life isn’t boring, and I’ve finally decided to share it with the world. Check out my blog. I’ve linked you!

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