Quickies: Old Flames, New Characters

Reading Period is upon us — nothing but studying, reading, writing, and tests. For at least the next week, real blog entries will come second to my three papers.

* Summer Guy returns. Well, technically I returned by going home to Los Angeles, where we dated and bickered a season ago. This holiday, we met up. Naturally, nothing good came out of that. Naturally, I will exploit our encounter for all its salacious, literary value. Note to self: return his angry voicemail.

* Speaking of soulless corporate drones, yuppie blog BankersBall (think: Gawker-meets-finance) reports that I’m less-than-titillating. Because you know, Excel is so much more interesting than descriptions of dry humping.

* New character, Peter, will be joining the cast as well as my speed dial. His debut is scheduled for intercession (late January) and he actually has real-life fans, unlike all the other boy toys who my pals hate with a passion. Not so with Peter! All my roommates want to steal him from me. Hands off, bitches. Especially you, Terra.

* Currently suffering from a sweet tooth and jungle fever as my graphic indicates. If you’re a black guy with cake, I will write your papers for you in exchange for dessert in my dorm. (Picture courtesy of Anne Taintor, whose art is featured prominently on my wall-to-wall corkboard. Love her work.)

* Productivity means hooking up four times since coming back Friday. Between blowjobs and dinner dates, I haven’t gotten any work done. Thus, I made a tough sacrifice and decided to skip out on an ex sex session with Berklee tonight in order to finish extracurricular commitments. But really, I should be on my knees in Stoughton, MA at the moment. Ah, another time.

* Introducing two new recurring features: “Things I Learned in Therapy” and “Things I Should Tell My Therapist”. These will be slightly more somber quick reads to accompany my haphazard “Quickies” and politically incorrect “Quotables“. (Confidential to hvd09 — I’ll let my therapist Sarah know about your suggestion — also, drop me an email).

* Sex and the Ivy needs an IT department. Or at least someone who can actually install/integrate plug-ins, set up a more organized comment system, and faciliate greater user feedback. Where does one solicit technical expertise? Craigslist? India? I’m lost when it comes to this stuff. Pre-frosh blogger Sam Jackson, Yale ‘11, asked me how I’d manage to make it so far. My answer: “Like you might with a virgin, slowly but surely.”

* Into international men? The Gadfly’s Sahil Mahtani ‘08 (SM to my readers) wouldn’t mind engaging in some S&M via Boredatlamont.com.

* Readers: I’m making a self-important FAQ section, but I pretty much only get asked four questions: “What’s it like to be famous?” “Who’s [insert name]?” and “You slut” (really more of a statement). To which my responses are typically hahahaha, you, and I know. I think I need to work with more material here. So readers — especially my girls — please send inquiries to elle@sexandtheivy.com.

* New feature: registered users can now rate my entries on a five-star system. If you want to play, sign up here or click on the link in my sidebar under “Etc.” (Don’t register if you’re a character. You should already have an account set up.)

* Nominate your favorite blogs for the Seventh Annual Weblog Awards. This is the only year Sex and the Ivy qualifies for Best Teen Weblog or Best New Weblog (other categories — writing, humor, etc. — can be up to individual judgment). My personal list of favorites includes: IvyGate (New, Humorous), Gawker (Entertainment, Humorous), Sam Jackson (Teen, New), Opinionistas (American, Writing), and others. Entries are due by tomorrow, January 10 at 10 p.m. EST. Show me some love.