Sex and the Ivy


Filed under: Dating/Relationships, Kyle, Nate, Peter, Sam, Summer Guy, Valentine's Day — Elle February 15, 2007 @ 4:31 am

Single ain’t so bad on Valentine’s. In the past 24 hours, I’ve traded “I love you’s” with Summer Guy, walked out of a lecture to talk to Sam, and exchanged greetings with a New Yorker I plan on seeing this weekend. I met two boys for the first time (separately, both for coffee), received messages from readers (thanks!), and also managed to piss off Peter via text message. No small feat considering the wonderful timing.

I think it’s fantastic that every guy who remotely gives a shit about me is currently at least 200 miles from Boston.

It’s been a quiet day. Save for my meeting at the Agassiz (I’m producing a show there, can you believe it?) I didn’t do anything terribly productive. I’m sure the weather’s to blame. For dinner, Nate (see left, in better weather) and I went to Tanjore where I ordered Aloo Mutter and lamented my lack of flowers. But what’s really sad is my lack of sex.

I haven’t had sex in a week and a half. I expect to break out into a rash at any second. I suppose I could make a phone call to a local hookup if I really wanted to (and trust me, Valentine’s is the day to do it) but I’m utterly disappointed with the hos in this area code. Then again, pretty much every guy on my current roster — Bostonian or not — has some major failing (be it commitmentphobia or Republicanism).

Just about the only person who doesn’t continually frustrate me is Kyle and that’s probably because my expectations for him are exceedingly low. I was telling my roommates last night that Kyle’s unabashed sleaziness is infinitely better than the shit I encounter from guys like Mark who disappear and reappear at whim or guys like Summer Guy who admit they love me in the same breath they deny our romantic possibility. Kyle may be no saint but at least I know exactly what to expect — nothing.

I think the real cause of my frustrations is the fact that I’ve been playing around with the same five guys since mid November/early December. Like my black leather boots, they’re a season old. But unlike my boots, they don’t complement me better as the winter goes on. If anything, things have stagnated. And by “things,” I mean everything — sex, relationships, conversations, etc. It is February 15 and it might as well be 2006 again. I’m just bored and not even in a self-indulgent, “I have a short attention span, so interest me” kind of way. I’m bored from desperately wanting passion and ending up with excuses about distance and lack of time and youth and bullshit.

I’m tired of bullshit.

Maggie, JB, and I discussed the boundaries of monogamy last night. Both vehemently disagreed that a sexually open relationship could work. But honestly, I see such a clear separation between my physical and emotional needs. The latter can easily be fulfilled at long-distance. The former — though something I’m certainly willing to compromise — obviously necessitates regular interaction. Though I’m quite fond of Summer Guy, I don’t particularly care if he dates or sleeps with other women. It doesn’t make me love him less. The one thing we’re missing is a relationship label, and even then, I can’t tell you if that would dramatically alter the way we relate to one another or my feelings toward physical intimacy with other people. Sex doesn’t mean a damn thing.

I am almost convinced that Sam is this happy medium between all the madness. He’s not in Boston, but close enough for visits. The distance makes him attentive in a conveniently non-intrusive way. He’s older (which I prefer) but a student (which is easy to relate to). Sex is great, even orgasmic. And the big one: he’s emotionally available — almost unbelievably so. Just about his only flaw is his fiscal conservatism, and I’m sure I can fix that with time.

So why am I second-guessing his motives all the time? Probably because I’m more used to 20-something boys than I am 20-something men.

We’ll see what the four-day trip away brings. New York tomorrow night. Philly this weekend if I’m feeling spontaneous. See you Monday, Harvard.

24 Responses to “Single”

  1. Will Says:

    Wow, Its a hard life! :)

    You should plan a holiday to the UK, I think you might like it!

  2. Jeff Says:

    A week & a half? Eck, no fun. I know how that all is, so I hope you have fun in the big Apple ;-)

  3. ElCuervo Says:

    Hopefully think will work out. Send me an email If you are going to be in midtown tomorrow.

  4. ryan Says:

    A whole week and a half without sex!? Hear how loud I sympathize.

  5. Jade Says:

    After months of careful blog reading, I have determined that Sam is the boy, I mean man, for you. Trust me, I’m a psych major.

  6. Ruby Cartell Says:

    Completely get the ‘old boots’ analogy. I managed to trade around a few interests in January but it’s starting to break into Spring…
    Out with the boots, in with the sandals.

  7. cacawet Says:

    Excuse my english, i’m bi….lingual, but not perfect. You’re young take your time, for sure a real woman… ask so more questions to yourself.

  8. Karl Says:

    Did ever you consider that guys are emotionally distant because we opened up to a girl who we thought was the one and then she snapped our hearts in two? Or maybe we are just all assholes. Too bad about Kyle, I was rooting for him.

  9. John Says:

    A. Week. And. A. Half. Wow.

  10. A.H. Says:

    Have you considered broadening your sex appeal to those men in the early 30something bracket?

  11. TH Says:

    I’m totally in love with your blog. I also have a “Kyle,” so I can relate to what you’re saying. I find comfort in the fact that he’s predictable, even when he’s predictably a jerk. Problem is, recently he became ever so slightly nicer and I got my hopes up only to have them crushed, of course, when things went back to status quo. Now I’m not sure if I can go back to enjoying our former relationship-nothingness.

  12. B Says:

    Just as a warning, keep you eyes open about Sam, he’s known to be a liar. So be careful.

    love your blog, hope you find what you are looking for in life.

  13. Infornographer Says:

    Someone came to my blog through your blog and searched for “blow jobs”…. I think they left disappointed :)

    And if the poll is open, I’m putting my vote in for Sam. Nothing wrong with fiscal conservatism. It could be good for you.

  14. Friend of Sam Says:

    And AJ, who works at R&H in Philly, PA and is Sam’s bitter ex-girlfriend, is known to be a whore. While we’re in the midst of pointing fingers… let’s just not. I’m sure Elle is intelligent enough to fend for herself.

  15. B Says:

    Just to make it clear, AJ didn’t write the post. I’m a friend and I just thought the warning was worth putting out there.

    And what’s your age again?


  16. Friend of Sam Says:

    You’re no friend of Sam. But I am. So, on we go, fighting for our friends…

  17. Friend of Sam Says:

    And, furthermore, you’re certainly not someone who knows Sam, only someone who’s gotten hearsay information- that’s what they call it there in the R&H legal department, don’t they? Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be working?- from another.

    Why not focus on your own life and stay out of theirs?

  18. the P'09 guys Says:

    Six days without an update on Elle almost makes one week… weak in the knees, like we’ll be for a new post! Hope you’re enjoying post-intersession more than we are… can’t wait to read more.

    Love, the Princeton boys

  19. Tana Says:

    Hey will you be having a monologue in “In their own words”?

  20. MIKE Says:


  21. MICHAEL Says:

    i like to give oral sex while riding a Ducati.

  22. BL Says:

    Happy mediums are a great thing to find…and I really love your blog Elle. Keep writing, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

  23. tommy Says:

    tried to leave a comment earlier. Test.

  24. tommy Says:

    Great boot shot, you should wear them more often in your photos.

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