“My New Year’s resolution is to not have sex with you.” — Summer Guy, January 2007

Though SG is heading to Boston in three weekends’ time, I don’t think he’ll have any trouble keeping that resolution. Besides the fact that a sexual encounter would necessitate large amounts of alcohol, the twin beds at Harvard College barely accommodate happy couples. Bickering exes? Out of the question. Also, since discovering that I’m off-the-market, SG’s already asked if Terra (who he met while visiting London mid-relationship with me) is fair game. I ran the idea past her. After all, we seem to have a habit of sharing men.

In addition to the ever-ingratiating SG, one of my best girlfriends from high school, Cece, is flying out Sunday to spend her spring quarter at Dartmouth (she’s currently at UCSD). My mother has also been hinting for weeks that little sister G. Chen should pay a visit in April — not happening, but nice try. It’s like California has been transported to my New England backyard. How spectacular.

This, of course, means that I actually have to figure out the culturally significant sites of the Boston area lest I have nowhere to take West Coast guests. Off the top of my head, I can only come up with Louis Boston, a couple sushi restaurants, and the MFA. Clearly, I’ve got to get out of my Cambridge bubble more often.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out the details of my next trip home. With New York accommodations and internships undetermined, I may visit Los Angeles as early as June or as late as August. Either way, I’m packing light. I’m not staying for more than two weeks this time. Just long enough a return to do the biannual getaway with high school friends, grab Sunday dim sum with my family, and turn a few shades darker before junior year starts.

Things I Have Done in the Last 24 Hours:

1. Called/emailed 20+ sublets in Manhattan.
2. Been bootycalled. Twice.
3. Masturbated. Twice. (Not related to any of the callers!)
4. Broke down (emotionally, not mentally … yet) in the Science Center computer labs.
5. Seriously considered drug use beyond the recreational variety.
6. Finished a very late problem set despite not knowing what I was doing.
7. Ran a dress rehearsal. Badly.

Things I Will Do in the Next 24 Hours:

1. Write a column about masturbation — with webcam and toys! — for CollegeHumor.
2. Wake up at 1pm. If you love me, you will call me at 1pm EST to make sure I am awake. You hear that, Kennedy?
3. Finish producing my first (and likely, only) show at Harvard.
4. Purchase large amounts of alcohol and throw my largest party to date.
5. Drink large amounts of alcohol. Possibly puke.
6. Avoid cocaine, heroin, or anything that starts with “d” and rhymes with “ick”.
7. Unless that anything belongs to AHG. Who I lust after. A lot.

Things I Will Do in Exactly One Week:

1. Drink.
2. Shop.
3. Sam.

Remember that spontaneous trip to New York I took for President’s Day weekend last month? I just got my credit card bill and it’s starting to hurt.

Besides the $145 phone bill (which I have no excuse for considering domestic calling), I dropped some major change on travel (try two pairs of plane tickets and five bus tickets). I don’t even want to examine my Restaurant Week damage. Two meals at OM and dinner at 33 were $100+ in one week alone. Plus, I’ve been grabbing Thai and sushi all the time. Definitely no more meals out in Cambridge.

Thank god for the money I’ve been making on freelance assignments. If I can get my ass in gear, I’ll be earning about $800/month, which combined with allowance, will barely pay rent in New York this summer.

Then again, I’m living with someone who’s about as low-maintenance as a BMW. This girl says she’s “cool with anything.” As long as we don’t live in Brooklyn. Or on a lower floor. Or share bedrooms. Or pet-sit.

Right.

If we’re going to make our two-bedroom arrangement work on an intern’s budget, we’re either living in Brooklyn or I’m going to have to sell my panties.

Buyers?

Me: “Hey Adia, how big is your hard drive?”

Adia: “Depends on the state of your software.”

* Cue giggles *

We’re like 12.

Musing over our food options in the 7-11 frozen food section …

JB: “Do you want a Hungry Man?”

Me: “I am not a hungry man. I am a hungry woman. Why is 7-11 so heterosexist?”

JB: “We can go to CVS instead.”

Me: “I bet they’re gender-normative too. I don’t know about you, but I don’t patronize patriarchal establishments.”

[Passerby shakes head.]