I’ve been bedridden and ailing since this weekend, so I’m incredibly behind on schoolwork and freelance assignments. No time to blog — nothing besides summer plans to blog about, anyway — so I dug up an old entry I never posted, because I feel guilty for slacking on the website. I wrote the following wayyy back in October. You can totally tell it’s dated: the guy, the newfound celebrity, the pre-meltdown indicators. Also, Kay makes an appearance, and when’s the last time I saw this girl? Oh yeah, last semester.

So here’s an oldie (but a goodie!) from when Lena was slightly unbalanced, still alcoholic, and actually sexually active …

Quite the weekend it’s been. Friday was basically a bust.

Kay and I parted ways on the corner of Mt. Auburn and Dunster with cheek kisses and assurances to do lunch. The soundtrack to my walk back home was Counting Crows’ “Mr. Jones,” blaring from inside the Fly and stuck in my mind the rest of the night.

Already, I was in no mood to deal with men. Friday had not been friendly to Kay and I. We called it quits early and made our way to Flat Patties at 1am. But the night wasn’t a complete loss. Over chili cheese fries, I caught her up on the entirety of October. I love the girl for sober moments like those.

Saturday was more eventful. I woke up the next morning dizzy and next to someone else. The standard issue college twin definitely does not facilitate premarital sex. Thank goodness I’m petite or Aidan and I would be subject to very dangerous sleeping scenarios. I remember crawling over him in in a semi-drunken stupor, stating indignantly, “I NEVER SLEEP ON THE INSIDE!” I think what I meant to convey was, “I think I’m going to roll off in the middle of the night, please help prevent this.”

The previous morning I nudged him awake, opened up his curtains, and made numerous threats to write unflattering blog entries if he didn’t get up. It was all to no avail. On Sunday morning, it was his turn to prod me relentlessly until I finally gave up all hope of sleeping in. How completely unfair, and obviously a result of territorial advantage. From now on, I will only hook up in my suite so I can sleep in as I please and the guy can trek it to his room at 2pm in his clothes from the night before. Boys have no shame.

Speaking of regrettable morning wardrobes, I made the very unwise decision to attend brunch in the same tiny top and skirt I donned hours ago at a party. Of course, I conveniently bumped into my sophomore adviser. She has the unfortunate luck of being assigned to me. Really, she couldn’t have asked for more of a handful. After she gently reminded me to see our Allston Burr Head Tutor, I reassured her that I would not sleep past yet another appointment, and would, in fact, make a personal visit to his office to assure him that I am not completely insane. Apparently, Mather House tutors have expressed concern for my well-being. I’m not surprised. In a school where everyone delivers, how do you tell people that you just can’t deal?

During brunch, a couple girls sitting in the table next to mine were discussing “Sex and the Ivy,” but promptly ceased their conversation when they realized my friend had alerted me. My life has devolved into something of a television show, at once comedic and dramatic. A dramedy, if you will.

I was telling someone just yesterday that my blog can be summed up by the following: “Hey guys, something really weird happened to me. Has this ever happened to you? No? Okay, then. I’m just a total fuckup. Thanks for the confirmation.”

This weekend was as low-key as they come, and still, I feel like life doesn’t quite turn out this way for anyone but me.

Adia and I are planning our China trip at the present moment, but she’s wary of our past out-of-town experiences. Thus, the following quotable.

Adia: “Would you be okay in Hong Kong by yourself? Would you have people to stay with?”

Me: “I’m not worried. I’ll figure it out.”

Adia: “I mean, are you sure?”

Me: “Meh, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Adia: “I don’t want you getting on motorcycles with random Asian dudes.”

No promises, hon.

To the sociopath I was briefly infatuated with:

Darling, I don’t regret a damn thing about you, but will you please get the fuck out of my dreams?

Thank you.

Who heard me mouth off on Playboy Radio the other day? I seriously need someone to check me on the things I’m allowed to say. There’s kissing and telling, and then there’s kissing and renting out a billboard. Thank goodness I don’t know any SIRIUS subscribers.

I can’t believe I’m as busy as I am even though I’m just doing classes and writing. I have three assignments (professional, not academic) to finish this weekend. A mid-week New York trip seems likely from April 24 to 26. Before my arrival, I need to finalize lodging, tell off a few Manhattan men, and meet faceless-to-date editors.

My friend Cece is in town from Dartmouth this weekend. She’s actually enrolled at UC San Diego but she’s spending the quarter in Hanover. (Thousands of readers are currently asking, “Why?!”) Among our scheduled activities: Mather Dutch Auction and Happy Hour, AMBLE Media Luncheon, MIT Battle of the Bands, Sunday brunch, and more! She’s not a fan of breakfast food but I’m trying to explain to her that brunch is an event. She gets it about as much as she gets the concept of snow in April.

Welcome to the Ivy League, babe.

If you’re a SIRIUS radio subscriber, then give me a listen on Playboy Radio this Wednesday at 3pm EST. I’m going to be a guest on the Afternoon Advice show with Tiffany Granath. Unlike my previous radio gigs, this one will be on satellite which means anything goes. Thank goodness I don’t have to self-censor. At the rate I’m going, I’m definitely going to land myself on the FCC’s Most Wanted List!

I already get the feeling that this will be one of my more memorable interviews. In addition to discussing all the vitals of Sex and the Ivy, I’m also going to be giving advice to callers. If you’re a fan interested in asking a question or a friend who wants to embarass me, call the show hotline at 877.205.9796 when I’m on.

The Details:

Wednesday, April 11, 2007
SIRIUS Channel 198
Afternoon Advice Show
3pm EST (12pm PST for those on the West Coast)