Reading Period is upon us — nothing but studying, reading, writing, and tests. For at least the next week, real blog entries will come second to my three papers.

* Summer Guy returns. Well, technically I returned by going home to Los Angeles, where we dated and bickered a season ago. This holiday, we met up. Naturally, nothing good came out of that. Naturally, I will exploit our encounter for all its salacious, literary value. Note to self: return his angry voicemail.

* Speaking of soulless corporate drones, yuppie blog BankersBall (think: Gawker-meets-finance) reports that I’m less-than-titillating. Because you know, Excel is so much more interesting than descriptions of dry humping.

* New character, Peter, will be joining the cast as well as my speed dial. His debut is scheduled for intercession (late January) and he actually has real-life fans, unlike all the other boy toys who my pals hate with a passion. Not so with Peter! All my roommates want to steal him from me. Hands off, bitches. Especially you, Terra.

* Currently suffering from a sweet tooth and jungle fever as my graphic indicates. If you’re a black guy with cake, I will write your papers for you in exchange for dessert in my dorm. (Picture courtesy of Anne Taintor, whose art is featured prominently on my wall-to-wall corkboard. Love her work.)

* Productivity means hooking up four times since coming back Friday. Between blowjobs and dinner dates, I haven’t gotten any work done. Thus, I made a tough sacrifice and decided to skip out on an ex sex session with Berklee tonight in order to finish extracurricular commitments. But really, I should be on my knees in Stoughton, MA at the moment. Ah, another time.

* Introducing two new recurring features: “Things I Learned in Therapy” and “Things I Should Tell My Therapist”. These will be slightly more somber quick reads to accompany my haphazard “Quickies” and politically incorrect “Quotables“. (Confidential to hvd09 — I’ll let my therapist Sarah know about your suggestion — also, drop me an email).

* Sex and the Ivy needs an IT department. Or at least someone who can actually install/integrate plug-ins, set up a more organized comment system, and faciliate greater user feedback. Where does one solicit technical expertise? Craigslist? India? I’m lost when it comes to this stuff. Pre-frosh blogger Sam Jackson, Yale ‘11, asked me how I’d manage to make it so far. My answer: “Like you might with a virgin, slowly but surely.”

* Into international men? The Gadfly’s Sahil Mahtani ‘08 (SM to my readers) wouldn’t mind engaging in some S&M via Boredatlamont.com.

* Readers: I’m making a self-important FAQ section, but I pretty much only get asked four questions: “What’s it like to be famous?” “Who’s [insert name]?” and “You slut” (really more of a statement). To which my responses are typically hahahaha, you, and I know. I think I need to work with more material here. So readers — especially my girls — please send inquiries to elle@sexandtheivy.com.

* New feature: registered users can now rate my entries on a five-star system. If you want to play, sign up here or click on the link in my sidebar under “Etc.” (Don’t register if you’re a character. You should already have an account set up.)

* Nominate your favorite blogs for the Seventh Annual Weblog Awards. This is the only year Sex and the Ivy qualifies for Best Teen Weblog or Best New Weblog (other categories — writing, humor, etc. — can be up to individual judgment). My personal list of favorites includes: IvyGate (New, Humorous), Gawker (Entertainment, Humorous), Sam Jackson (Teen, New), Opinionistas (American, Writing), and others. Entries are due by tomorrow, January 10 at 10 p.m. EST. Show me some love.

After a discussion about boredatlamont.com over dinner at Tanjore, Adia sent me the following message via Facebook …

Nov 20, 2006 at 8:22 pm

From: ***** *********
To: Lena Chen
Subject: teehee
Message: http://www.boredatlamont.com/?m=search&query=lena
apparently you discovered micronesia, let the dogs out, and circumcised a canadian. all in a day’s work!

Since I am a fan of pointless attention-whoring lists, here are related gems from boredatlamont.com:

i heard lena chen is the inspiration for anchorman
lena chen helped me with my groceries once
lena chen is like santa claus she comes once a year
lena chen let the dogs out
Lena Chen discovered micronesia
lena chen circumnavigated the world
lena chen can’t talk about fight club but she can talk about her menstrual cycle
lena chen visited the virgin islands they are the whore islands
god you people are making lena chen into the new chuck norris
Lena Chen insipired me to create a new anal sex position
lena chen had sex with chuck norris and survived to blog about it
lena chen is going to blog about this in 15 minutes

“harvard students having spontaneous sex on a school night is like lena chen pretending to be a lesbian” –boredatlamont.com

I kind of resent that. Just slightly.

First, being bicurious at Harvard is really difficult. Cut me some slack. Second, I’ve spent the past couple of nights giving spontaneous head and I’d be having sex if it were not for my period. Do not discredit the one-woman revolution I’m trying to lead.

But back to my inconvenient menstrual cycle. I don’t think I can articulate how frustrated I currently am. Right. This. Moment. I woke up not too long ago from a three-hour nap that began at 10:30 p.m. and ended around 2:00 a.m. when a stray squeeze and thrust led to an unfulfilling hour-long makeout session. It was like foreplay with no end in sight. At least for me. I left Aidan knocked out cold in a state of post-orgasmic, semi-lethargic bliss. He’s going to sleep easy for the rest of the night (even though I should probably wake him up as promised in about five minutes).

I, on the other hand, am flushed, breathing heavy, and sweaty with not much to show for it. A relaxing slumber these qualities do not make. I’m going to take a shower. A long, cold shower. It’s a temporary remedy but one that will have to do for now. Until this monthly inconvenience comes to an end, I’ll have to deal with study breaks which only consist of his cock in my mouth. Alternative orifices just have to wait.

But that’s what this weekend is for. The only items I have scheduled are lunch with Kay, a FM meeting, and tea at SM’s. Remaining downtime? Sex. For hours. I’ve basically blocked out my iCal. Spontaneous sex on a school night is always a treat, but when circumstances conspire otherwise, Sunday morning comes in a close second.

Save for a few forays to obtain readings on reserve, I’ve mostly stayed out of Lamont Library. Haven’t even gone once to the cafe where Kay has permanently parked her ass. But apparently, I’m missing out. Considering the colorful characters posting to boredatlamont.com, the library just might be the place to see and be seen. Or at least the place to get laid.

The website, an anonymous message board, has really taken off in the past few hours. Sex is the topic of choice. Naturally, Harvard students choose to discuss the one topic we have the least business discussing. I have my suspicions that the majority of posters on the site are Crimeds (search for the shots at the Lampoon). According to public (or Crimson) opinon:

-”Jewbacca” = appropriate insult for every other boy on this campus
-Gay? Of course not. Getting head from another guy does NOT make someone gay.
-Lamont is a brewing ground for closet-friendly, gloryhole-assisted hookups.
-Virginity? Not completely uncool, unless you profess to be a hot virgin. That’s just not nice.
-Guys, next to Asian girls, are the best at giving head. And Aidan agrees: “I’d hate to generalize, but from my experience, that post speaks the truth.”

Since Matherites are unlikely to leave their dorms, I think that a more inclusive equivalent to boredatlamont.com should be created just for us. Especially since our distance from the main part of campus necessitates an outlet for all the cabin fever Mather breeds — the gossip factor would explode.

In semi-related news, Aidan wanted to try “Bored in the HoCo Closet” today. I politely declined.